Let It Come On It's Own Time

My entire life, I have loved all things romance. Romance books, TV shows, and movies (especially 2000s RomComs). My love for the romance stories between Disney princesses and their princes eventually evolved into a love for classic chick-flicks like 10 Things I Hate About You. Reading and watching these magical love stories between men and women made me want to experience it too. I wanted to experience all the little things: somebody brushing a strand of hair out of my face, remembering my order at restaurants, receiving hand-written notes and flowers. But, I also wanted those grand gestures too. Like Noah building Allie her dream house and writing letters to her everyday for a year. William confessing his love to Anna at her public press conference, or Ben chasing down and stopping Andie from leaving. I wanted to experience the thing I grew up watching, love. 

To be honest, my fascination with love may come as a shock to my friends and family. I have always denied the accusations my friends throw at me about liking somebody. I rarely tell my friends “ooh, that guy’s cute.” Even when my mom gives me the occasional “So…any cute boys at school,” the answer is always the same: no. Obviously, I have been interested in people, I just never bothered to vocalize it to my friends. I’ve kept my lover girl persona a secret. To be honest, even though I wanted to experience teenage love, I was scared. Because of this anti-boy facade, I stayed clear of relationships freshman and sophomore year. Sure, I had boy friends, but I was adamant about not having a boyfriend. 

However, junior year I started “talking” to this guy. We had been friends all throughout freshman and sophomore year, but it wasn’t until junior year we started seeing each other in a non-platonic way. He checked off all my imaginary boxes and characteristics I wanted in a boyfriend. Naturally, I liked him. However, throughout our entire talking stage, I kept going back and forth with whether I wanted to actually date him. Sure, I enjoyed talking to him and the time we spent together, but I didn’t know if I was ready for all the commitments and expectations that came with dating somebody. Of course, all my friends and all his friends kept pressuring me into dating him. When I consulted my friends over this internal debate I was suffering from, their responses were always the same “Just do it Lauren.” I knew that it was only a matter of time until he asked me to be his girlfriend. We were doing everything that a normal couple would do: late night facetimes, texting constantly, hanging out together. Everybody expected us to happen. Everybody wanted us to happen. Everybody said we were going to happen. But, I didn’t know if I wanted it to happen. As people kept telling me “He’s going to ask you soon!” I realized I wasn’t ready to date him. As much as I thought I wanted to experience love, I wasn’t ready or mature enough yet. I’ll admit, I was a coward. I wasn’t ready to do the more “coupley” stuff like kissing, even the thought of holding hands was scary to me. This may sound lame to you, or maybe you can relate to this fear, but my point is: you should never feel pressured into getting into a relationship. 

Yes, I know those wholesome TikToks about teenage love are cute. And there are still moments I would like to experience it myself. But when it came to that moment, I realized I actually wasn’t ready. That is perfectly ok. If you’ve ever had, or there’s a possibility you will have, a situation like mine, where you’ve been pressured by peers to get into a relationship with somebody, ignore them. Be selfish, think about yourself and the long run. Personally, I’ve always wanted to date with purpose, not just for fun. I knew if I dated that boy, I wouldn’t have been able to treat him like he deserved. I also knew that when I ended things, I would hurt him. But, I knew I would hurt him ten times more if I dated him then broke things off. In that case, I had to think about myself and him, not what everybody else was telling us. Let love come on its own time. You don’t have to force it to happen. And you definitely shouldn’t succumb to the pressure from peers if you don’t feel ready yourself to get into a relationship. Whatever you decide, choose what will be best for you - not for your friends' entertainment or what everybody expects of you - but for you. 

We’re in this together, 

Lauren