Looking back: Regret

My mom once asked me, “What’s your favorite feeling? What’s your worst feeling?” With regard to the latter, the initial emotions that came to  my mind were sadness, anger, worry. However, as I think about it more, regret is the emotion I hate most. Regret is one of the strongest emotions. Regret is wishing you could go back in time and change your decision or your actions, but it’s impossible now. Regret is grieving the inability to erase one’s choices. Regret is one of the most painful feelings.

Some of my regrets include missing opportunities when I was younger, like trying a different sport or enrolling in a certain class. However, the instances I regret most are those when I disappoint or hurt my loved ones. Whether it’s letting down a friend or fighting with my parents, I always regret hurting my loved ones.

On April 9th, 2022, my one year old puppy was in a tragic accident, in which he suffered a life-threatening blow to his head. The veterinarians couldn’t guarantee whether he would survive or not, and if he lived, there was a possibility he suffered brain damage. Miraculously, my beloved puppy survived. In the moment of that tragic accident, I had so much regret. Not knowing whether he would live or not was terrifying. I kept replaying in my mind all the things I should’ve done when I had the chance. “Lauren, you should’ve played with him more.” “You should’ve walked him more.” “You should’ve loved him more.” I was constantly thinking about all the things I didn’t do instead of appreciating all the good times we did have together.

Regret is so powerful because it’s snowballed around so many other emotions like guilt, anguish, fear, self-doubt, sorrow and more. Although I hate regret in the moment, my subconscious knows that it’s also valuable.

Making mistakes is an inevitable part of human life, so regret naturally follows sometimes. The important factor is deciding what you’ll do with that regret. Will you learn from it? Will you change your ways in the future? Will you grow from the experience?

We need to confront our regrets instead of bottling them up and ignoring them. It sounds simple, but  it’s so hard. You’ll struggle, I’ll struggle, everybody will struggle when dealing with regrets. Dealing with regret requires accepting and acknowledging the fact that you made a mistake. Staying hung up on the past is pointless; instead, visualize a guiltless future. One in which you’ve learned and dealt with your regrets instead of allowing them to inhibit you from moving on.

We're in this together,

Lauren