Loving Yourself: What do you see?

Throughout history, women have been held to impossible expectations about their looks. Beauty standards and trends change yearly. It seems each year society finds some new way to knitpick about women’s looks. Personally, I can’t seem to keep up. One year people want to be curvy like Kylie Jenner, then the next, they want to be slim like Bella Hadid. As a teenage girl living in the age of social media and technology, it is nearly impossible for me to be completely satisfied with my appearance.

I wake up early in the morning to prepare myself for the day so I can feel confident. I mask my pimples and blemishes with concealer. I apply mascara to make my eyelashes longer than they actually are. I use eyeliner to elongate my eyes. I contour my nose, cheeks and jawline to give myself more defined features. Then after my makeup, I move on to my hair. I brush and brush until all the tangles are gone. I braid, curl, crimp, straighten and style: never leaving it natural. After my makeup and hair are done, I move onto the outfit. The most difficult part of getting ready for me. No matter how much time and effort I put into doing my hair and makeup, it can all be ruined by my outfit. I look in the mirror and all the imperfections of my body are glaring back at me. My stomach isn’t as flat as I want it to be. I don’t have an obvious thigh gap. My arms look pudgy in a tank top. With all the effort I put into my appearance, it’s still so difficult for me to fully love myself. 

When I was a young elementary student, I explicitly remember saying to my mom “I don’t understand why people don’t just love themselves.” Looking back, I realize how innocent I was. Social media and navigating my way through adolescents corrupted my young perspective. Anytime I go on TikTok, Instagram, or Pinterest, I see girls with the “perfect body.” Or the most silky hair, longest lashes, prettiest eyes, whitest teeth. But it’s never me. The comparison never ends.

But in the grand scheme of life, does it really matter? Looking back, I can’t recount a single time when somebody’s appearance has been so notable to me that I still remember it. It may not seem like it, but everybody is so busy worrying about themselves to pay close attention to you. Those insecurities I see about myself, everybody else my age struggles with them too. 

Sometimes, I get saddened when I hear my friends put themselves down. When they complain about their noses being too big or their eyelashes not being long, I wonder if they realize that I could care less about that. I wonder if they realize how much happiness they bring me, how they can make me smile and laugh even during my lowest moments, how their presence alone is comforting. I wish they saw themselves the way I see them. 

Then, I wonder if they feel the same way about me. I wonder if they see past everything I dislike. And I know deep down, they do. 

Struggling with body image is a life-long and universal problem. Depressing to say, but true. It’s why middle-aged women get Botox to try to eliminate signs of aging. It’s why even celebrities and models get plastic surgery. It’s why people try all sorts of skincare products, diets, and workout routines. 

Nevertheless, it’s important to remember that your worth isn’t defined by your appearance. True friends in your life won’t judge you because of how you look, rather what you give as a person. You want people who notice your intelligence, kindness, courage, resilience, joy, and other attributes that make you, you! If there are people in your life you feel like you based on how you look, drop them. You don’t want to surround yourself with people you can’t truly be yourself with. It’s suffocating to always be striving to live up to someone else’s expectations. 

You are not defined by your appearance. At every important moment during our lifetime (graduations, marriages, promotion dinners, even our funerals), nobody ever talks about your hair, your body, your nose, or any other part of your appearance. Because that’s not what matters. Of course, it’s perfectly normal to want to dress up and look pretty sometimes. I always want to look my best because it also makes me feel good. It only becomes a problem when an obsession with your appearance begins to control your life and harm your physical or mental health. 

You are beautiful. Find people in your life who will appreciate and love all of you.

We’re in this together, 

Lauren