Rewind the Clock

My favorite aspect of childhood wasn’t all the fun. It wasn’t the playdates. It wasn't the easy homework.

It was the innocent childlike spirit that I still possessed. It was the complete obliviousness to the harsh realities of real life. It was the false perception that I could be anybody I wanted: a princess, an astronaut, a doctor, a dolphin.

The thing I miss most from my childhood was my naivete; the only time of my life that I was unexposed to the corruption of society. People say that aging is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because not everybody can experience the gift of growing old. However, it’s also a curse because it signifies the loss of youthfulness and vitality.

During my sophomore year, I would always wish that I would someday, miraculously wake up and be a young elementary kid again. I longed to return to the time when my outlook on life was always a positive one rather than the pessimistic one I have now. I wish I could truly believe again that everybody has my best interests at heart. I wish I could trust everybody without doubting their intentions. I wish I could be myself freely without worrying that my peers are judging me. I wish I didn’t have to think about asking my parents for pepper spray because I’m worried about kidnappings and assaults. I wish I didn’t have to constantly evaluate my surroundings, searching for any potential dangers.

In my case, my loss of childhood innocence was the realization that the world is dangerous. However, for others, it may be the awareness of financial difficulties and the need to earn a living. To me, I believe the loss of childhood innocence is any experience that leads to greater awareness of evil and suffering.

When I look back on old photos and videos, it gives me a sense of nostalgia that’s both joyful and also depressing. I love looking at old memories, but at the same time it makes me sad when the realization hits that I’ll never get those moments back again. For the first two years in high school, I maintained this depressing mindset wishing for my childhood back.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized now is the time to create more memories. I can’t keep wishing to go back to something I can never go back to. I have to move forward, not backwards. I have to embrace the freedom and opportunities that come with aging, not dreading, all the new responsibilities placed on me.